Sunday, November 17, 2024
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Jake From State Farm Found Dead In Apartment Bedroom

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BREAKING: Jake From State Farm Found Dead In Apartment Bedroom

According to sources and reports ‘Jake From State Farm’ was found dead in his apartment bedroom last night. According to authorities, Jake was killed by his wife after finding him in bed with another woman.

Jake From State Farm first appeared in a television advertisement for State Farm a few years ago, and has since been the center of many internet jokes and memes.

The basic name structure of Jake From State Farm has been copied for other internet memes including ‘Alex From Target’ and ‘Daquan From Staples’.

Jake From State Farm was murdered by his own wife for allegedly cheating on her. Very ironic, considering that the original Jake From State Farm commercial was about being unfaithful.

According to State Farm, Jake would be a good neighbor to all of his clients, but when he needed help, nobody was there for him. Jake’s wife was arrested a few hours following the murder. “A true hero” quoted State Farm.

Woman Arrested For Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom

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News 8 Louisiana – Police are calling this a crime of the unthinkable, something that most people would never imagine doing. On Monday, police were called to a Louisiana Walmart under the suspicion that a customer was shoplifting food. According to the complaint, a Walmart worker radioed security about a suspicious woman in the meat aisle. Security cameras filmed 33-year-old Shaniqua Johnson shoving sausages under her shirt. CCTV footage then shows the woman walking to the bathroom, where she remained for at least 30 minutes.

The male security guard says he knocked on the bathroom door several times but the woman did not respond. He then announced he was entering. What he found behind the door of the unlocked stall is something he said will “haunt his dreams forever.” The security guard reports when he entered the stall, Johnson was inappropriately pleasing herself with a Jimmy Dean package of sausage. He said that when he entered “She didn’t even stop. She just stared at me and kept going.” –

Shocked, and also frightened for his safety due to the fact that Johnson is a “big girl,” the 140 pound security guard said he ran out until police arrived. When they did, female officers entered the restroom with Johnson still “putting in work with the sausage.” All in all, it took 7 police officers to restrain Johnson and pry the victimized sausage out of the woman’s hands. She was arrested and taken into custody where she was charged with shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest. Walmart management said in no way do they tolerate this type of behavior. They have a strict policy against shoplifters and a sign on the bathroom door that clearly reads, “No merchandise allowed beyond this point.” –

Miss Piggy ‘Puppet’ Comes Forward Says She Was Also Sexually Assaulted by Bill Cosby

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Miss Piggy ‘Puppet’ Comes Forward Says She Was Also Sexually Assaulted by Bill Cosby

The famous puppet of Miss Piggy was allegedly sexually assaulted by star comedian turned sexual predator, Bill Cosby, we learned this morning.

The aggression of the Miss Piggy puppet allegedly took place in the 1980s during a Christmas party in Hollywood where artists of the famous Jim Henson studios were present.

Bill Cosby would have taken advantage of a moment of inattention of the puppeteers to satisfy his sexual appetite with the famous wife of the Kermit the Frog character.

Two of the three puppeteers present believe they were drugged during the event.

“We were having a few drinks with Bill, when suddenly I felt my legs weaken and my head started to spin. I woke up moments later and Miss Piggy was gone. I found her again later in the evening, and obviously, she had undergone some severe abuse” says Frank Oz, who was Miss Piggy’s puppeteer for over 30 years. “I had to throw the puppet away, it was in such a horrid condition” he told a local Fox news reporter, obviously still in shock despite the years.

The news was received as a shock wave on social media worldwide, leaving users utterly disturbed and a with sense of profound disgust.

“Why would anybody desecrate the puppet of Miss Piggy!? What a sick bastard! All my childhood memories have gone up in smoke” wrote a Twitter user, visibly disgusted by the whole affair. “I hope this sick pervert rots in jail for a long time!”writes another.

Jim Henson studios could take legal action against the sexual predator who is accused of sexual assault by 46 other women.

Woman Arrested In Walmart For Trying On Tampons In the Feminine Care Aisle

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A 44-year-old Arkansas woman is now behind bars after Walmart employees found her trying on tampons and sanitary pads in the feminine care aisle. Cheryl Woolery, a Springdale, Arkansas resident, was led out of the store in handcuffs after her resisting arrest turned into a bloody mess. Eyewitnesses say Woolery entered the Walmart store on Monday and approached the customer service desk for a return. Woolery complained that the Tampax ‘Lites’ were causing her to “leak” and the cardboard applicator was just too “rough” for her “woowoo” and she wanted to exchange them for something else. –

“I was stocking the deodorants which is right next to the isle where the feminine hygiene products are kept,” said Rena Rice, an employee at Walmart. “When I walked past the aisle this crazy out of her mind lady was in, I couldn’t believe what I saw. I mean really, there were five used bloody tampons on the ground that she had already tried on! I caught her trying to stick a sanitary pad on her underwear. That’s when I radioed for security.”

When security confronted the woman, she turned around to leave. “When I asked her what she was doing, she turned around to take off,” head security officer Randy McWilliams said. “That’s when I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me but I slipped on one of the bloody tampons and we both hit the ground. That was probably the most disgusting thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Police arrived on scene within minutes and took Woolery into custody. According to authorities, Woolery explained she was not going to spend another dime on a product that won’t work for her. She said she should be able to “try on tampons just like you try on clothes in the dressing room, to make sure they fit.”

Walmart released a statement saying “It is against our policy to allow customers to try on tampons in the aisles, bathrooms, or dressing rooms. Anyone attempting to will be arrested and never allowed back into our stores.” Woolery was booked on charges of shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest. She is being held on a $500 bond.

Jealous Cat Claws Owner’s Boyfriend to Death

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The parents of a deceased young man are suing their son’s girlfriend because they claim her “over-jealous” cat killed their son, reports the Ohio Telegram this week.

The family are suing for 10,000 dollars to cover for the funeral costs and “just plain want the animal dead”.

The autopsy of the young man clearly showed the involvement of the young woman’s cat in the death of their son as the victim is described as having suffered from suffocation, as well as deep claw marks found embedded in the man’s skin tissue and abnormal quantities of cat hair in the man’s oesophagus clearly link the cat to the death of the victim, revealed the detailed coroner’s report.

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“I never liked that cat, with his mischievous look, I just never trusted the damn creature” the victim’s mom told reporters. “I just can’t believe the darn beast killed our little Billy” she cried out, covering her tear-ridden face. “I just want the damn animal dead for Billy’s sake” she added in agony.

Several complaints had also been filed by nearby neighbours to the local authorities concerning a number of dead squirrels found in the area and including a recent attack on a pet chihuahua which caused severe injuries and a total of $700 in veterinary bills.

“Since the attack last august, Chichi has never been the same” admits John Crawford, the neighbour of the victim. “He’s lost most of his eyesight in his left eye and he’s been very depressed since the incident. He won’t even play ball anymore” he acknowledged.

A history of violence

The cat’s violent history is far from new as the victim had been attacked several times by the infamous cat, to the point where he eventually had to sleep in his own room.

“I never expected our relationship to finish like this” admitted the victim’s girlfriend in tears. “Billy was my soul mate, but I’ve had Whiskers for so long now, I just couldn’t get rid of her like that” she explained, visibly distraught by the whole affair. “I still can’t convince myself to letting her go, I just can’t believe she would do such a horrible thing” she expressed in disbelief.

The victim’s best friend, Anthony Mayers, says the incident could have been prevented.

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“Billy would call me up crying, saying the cat was making his life a living Hell” he told local reporters. “He even told me weeks before his death he was scared the cat was going to kill him” he remembers. “I just wouldn’t listen, I thought he was smoking drugs or something, that he was just being paranoid, but he was telling me the truth” he admitted with regret. “I could have saved his life if I had only listened” he explained in utter disbelief.

“This cat has suffered some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder which could explain its violent behavior and with proper treatment, hopefully she can learn to transcend this dangerous and asocial behavior” explains ASPCA spokeswoman, Janet Cheyenne.

Over 4,000 Americans die each year choked by their domestic animal, estimates a recent 2015 Association for the Prevention of Domestic Pet Violence (APDPV).

Families Release Shocking Video Of Last Moments Before Two Friends Were Killed In A Car Crash

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Earlier this year two young men were immediately killed in a high speed car crash.

Kyle Careford, 20, was driving with Michael Owen, 21, when they collided with a church wall in Jarvis Brook, East Sussex.

The moments leading up to their deaths were filmed on a mobile phone and the families of both men have now taken the incredibly difficult decision of releasing the footage to the public.

The video shows Kyle and Michael speeding along country roads and overtaking another car, and just before the crash the camera points to the speedometer. One of them can be heard saying they were going at 90mph. It was a 30mph zone.

Shortly after, the screen goes black and you hear the horrifying collision. When the camera refocuses you can hear a woman outside saying that an ambulance is on its way. But it was already too late.

https://youtu.be/K39N4PvKQxc

Sexual Assault Victim Grabs Attackers Gun, Shoots Him Twice In The Face

When the jury hears the facts, it only takes them a mere 4 hours to convict this scumbag.

Duane Portman Sr., 44, kidnapped his victim taking her to his place of employment and assault her at gun point. Luckily during the act she managed to wrestle the gun out of the attackers hand and get off two shots, both hitting the attacker right in the face.

Both the victim and attacker proceeded to drive off to different hospitals, naturally with gunshot wounds authorities were called to the scene. The attacker offered no explanation as to what happened leading up to his suffered injury.

Customers interviewed at the site of the crime agreed she did the right thing.

“I’m glad she’s safe and I guess he deserved what was coming to him,” Labelz 4 Less shopper Angela Bozarth told WKEF.

Personally I think she was aiming for the wrong head.

https://youtu.be/lnYQw93j_8c

Will Ferrell Themed Bar Is Opening In New York

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There isn’t really a day that goes by that we don’t all quote something from a Will Ferrell film. There’s always time to tell your scruffiest friend to ‘stay classy’ or to ask someone at Christmas ‘what’s your favorite color?’

Well thankfully, in New York there’s a place where all this is acceptable and encouraged. ‘Stay Classy New York’, a Will Ferrell themed bar, has just opened! The bar, which pays homage to the comedian through its Will-Ferrell-inspired art gallery and one-liner drinks menu, is the brainchild of Zach Neil, a long time fan of Will, and his business partner Brian Link.

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Neil wanted to pay thank Will for giving him joy and laughter from all his films and the characters he played, so decided to pay him the biggest of tributes by opening up the New York bar.

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He said that it’s a place to relax and have a drink whilst sharing a mutual love for one of the world’s best comedians. Who wouldn’t want to recite Step Brothers quotes whilst sipping on a ‘Did we just become best friends?’ cocktail?

“This bar is kind of like the place where a 35 or 40-year-old person could come and sit and not be intimidated by loud techno music but still be surrounded by things that are funny and ridiculous and kinda get it, that’s what Will Ferrell has always meant to us.”

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Stay Classy New York is still in its preview phase, but on October 23rd is hosting an Anchorman themed Halloween party, which was, of course, the inspiration for the bar:

“Probably the deal sealer was the first Anchorman movie. That one was sort of like, he’s created something that’s absolutely ridiculous and I love it and I watched it five times a week for three years.”

What an awesome idea!

This Dad Was Clueless But He Figured Out A Genius Way To Bond With His Daughter

When Philippe Morgese became a single dad, he knew he’d need to be able to do his one-year-old daughter Emma’s hair. Not only did he master numerous hairstyles, but he has also begun teaching a class for other dads who want to bond with their daughters by doing their hair.

Morgese began with basic hairclips and pigtails, but he has since mastered more complex hairstyles like the French braid. After getting a free classroom space from the International Academy beauty school in Florida, Morgese has already held his first successful class. He’s calling it the Daddy Daughter Hair Factory!

When Philippe Morgese became a single dad, he had to learn how to do his daughter’s hair

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Now, he uses everything he learned to teach other dads

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“I love the time spent with her and she loves the cool hair, so it’s a win-win”

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The class is free of charge; “I didn’t want any cost to anybody — I didn’t want to stop anyone from learning”

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Morgese has become quite the stylist, with some advanced styles in his repertoire!

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The dads learned basic brushing, ponytails, braids and buns

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“I’m so proud of these dads for stepping up and building a better bond with their daughters”

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Police Officer Said He Won’t Answer The Call When You’re In Trouble. Wait Until You Read Why.

A police officer wrote this letter explaining why he couldn’t perform his duties as a law enforcement officer. The reason why will surprise you, and make you think twice about the job hardworking cops do.


“Today, I will not answer the radio call that your boyfriend has come home drunk and is beating you again. Today I will not answer the radio call that your 16 year old daughter, who is very responsible, is four hours late coming home from school. Today I will not answer the radio call that your store has been robbed or your house has been burglarized. Today I will not stop a drunk driver from killing someone. I will not catch a rapist or a murderer or a car thief. Today I will not answer the radio call that a man has a gun or tried to abduct a child or that someone has been stabbed or has been in a terrible accident. Today I will not save your child that you locked in a car or the child you were to busy to watch who went outside and fell into the swimming pool, but that I revived. No, today I will not do that.

Why?

Because Today I was killed by a drunk driver while I was helping push a disabled car off the highway. Today I was shot and killed during a routine traffic stop to simply tell someone that they had a taillight out. Today I was killed in a traffic accident rushing to help a citizen. Today I was shot and killed serving a warrant on a known drug dealer. Today I was killed by a man when I came by to do a welfare check because his family was to busy. Today I was killed trying to stop a bank robbery or a grocery store robbery. Today I was killed doing my job.

A chaplain and an officer will go to a house and tell a mom and dad or a wife or husband or a child that their son or daughter or husband or wife or father or mother won’t be coming home today. The flags at many police stations were flown at half-mast today but most people won’t know why. There will be a funeral and my fellow officers will come, a twenty-one-gun salute will be given, and taps will be played as I am laid to rest. My name will be put on a plaque, on a wall, in a building, in a city somewhere. A folded flag will be placed on a mantel or a bookcase in a home somewhere and a family will mourn.

There will be no cries for justice. There will be no riots in the streets. There will be no officers marching, screaming “no justice, no peace.” No citizens will scream that something must be done. No windows will be smashed, no cars burned, no stones thrown, no names called. Only someone crying themselves to sleep tonight will be the only sign that I was cared about.

I was a police officer.”

Understand, our police officers put their lives on the line for us every single day. They’ve got a tough job to do to maintain public safety and hold accountable those who break the law. Share this if you agree.

Three Men Who Escaped Alcatraz 50 Years Ago And Were Presumed Dead Could Be Alive

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More than fifty years ago, three Alcatraz inmates made a daring escape from the island prison and were presumed dead. But their families say they are still alive.

Brothers John and Clarence Anglin and fellow inmate Frank Morris made a makeshift raft in June 1962 and were never seen again. Prison officials presumed they had drowned but relatives of the Anglin brothers say they have the proof which shows they have survived.

The evidence includes Christmas cards sent from the brothers and a photograph of the pair from the 1970s.

The image is yet to have been revealed but will be shown in a new History Channel documentary airing soon.

The men are now said to be in their 80s even though the FBI closed the case in 1979 and they still maintain no one has ever successfully fled from the notorious prison.

Nephews of the Anglins, David and Ken Widner have kept quiet about their evidence until now but want to set the record straight about their uncles while their mother is still alive.

The claims were taken to retired US marshal Art Roderick who had worked on the case for 20 years. The Christmas cards arrived in 1962 and were verified as legitimate but it is still unknown as to when they were written.

The photograph suggesting the men were alive has led investigators to South America to look for the fugitives.

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“This is absolutely the best actionable lead we’ve had. When you work these types of cases there’s a feeling you get when stuff starts to fall into place. I’m getting this feeling now.” – Art Roderick, speaking to the New York Post

In 1963, the FBI claimed bones washed up on the shore in San Francisco were those of the Anglin brothers, proving they were dead. But a DNA test on their brother’s bones proved they were not a match.

It is thought the bones were those of Frank Morris but that has not been verified.

One of America’s greatest criminal mysteries could be coming to an end very soon. And it’s absolutely fascinating.

‘Little Old Lady’ Arrested For Making Fur Coats With Neighbor’s Cats

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Waco | An 85-year old Texas woman has been arrested by local law enforcement after being caught on film kidnapping one of her neighbor’s cats with which she is accused of making fur coats.

The recent disappearance of domestic animals in the neighborhood started to arise suspicion from local residents when some people started to notice the old lady’s particular fur coats, some even recognizing their cats in the coat’s furs, a fact the lady vehemently denied before being caught on videotape by a private detective hired by local residents to follow the suspicious lady.

It is believed the old lady started at first to raise her own cats but finally decided to capture neighboring cats because she “got too much attached to the little critters”, she admitted in court.

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The retired fashion designer lured neighborhood cats with food and skinned them in her basement where she dried the skins. She also used the meat of the cats to lure other cats who unwittingly were eating their own species, a disgusting and cruel hobby admits local PETA spokeswoman Jane Churchill.

“I can’t believe these atrocities happened in our own backyard. Animals are our brothers and sisters and what she has done to my eyes is comparable to mass murder” she explains. “She has taken the lives of hundreds of cats just to make fur coats out of them, this is tragic. How would people react if someone made coats out of human skin? These cats are living beings and all living beings are equal to Mother Earth. I hope she goes to jail for a very long time”

Legal experts assess the 85-year old woman could spend up to 18 months in jail for her crimes.