Imagine shopping at a large retail store, just minding your own business, when another customer mistakes you as a store employee. Usually this innocent case of mistaken identity ends in an embarrassing, but friendly laugh. But things get crazy in this story and the ending will have you cheering…
(I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)
Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”
(I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)
Me: “What the h***?!”
Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”
Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”
Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”
(I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)
Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”
Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”
Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”
Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”
(At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)
Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”
(A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)
Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”
Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”
Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”
Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”
(The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)
Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”
Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”
(The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)
Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”
Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”
Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”
Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”
Manager: “You’re fired.”
Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”
(The crowd starts laughing.)
Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”
Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”
(She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)