FDA Approves Tranquilizer Dart Guns That Puts Kids To Sleep



Washington — The Food and Drug Association (FDA) has announced this morning that it has approved pharmaceutical giant Johnson & Johnson’s request to produce and sell tranquilizer dart guns specially developed to put kids to sleep.

The alleged new medical device would allow parents to put a child to sleep within 4 seconds, and is said to have no serious longterm consequences on the child’s health.

This new tool, designed to aid parents with educating their children, is said to have a practical reach estimated between 30 to 40 meters with drugging effects lasting between 6 to 8 hours per injection. However, the pharmaceutical giant advises parents not to use the tranquilizer gun more than 3 to 4 times a day per child to prevent any physical dependence to the medical device.

“There has been a high demand for such a device for years now,” explains to us Ernie Knewitz, media relations vp over at Jonhson and Johnson. “We have tested over hundreds of recipes to finally find one that doesn’t cause too much damage to the brain despite regular use. We have finally found a mix of PCP and a heroin derivative that seems to do the job.”

The tranquilizer darts will be available in 3 different sizes; from 0 to 5 years old, from 5 to 12, and from 12 and over and will be available to the public as of this year.


Many non-governmental health, children aid and drug addiction organizations have since denounced the FDA’s decision to authorize the production of such a medical device, qualifying the darts as a “dangerous solution” and that a request of revision is too be expected against the FDA’s decision before the courts and tribunals.

“It is totally unacceptable to think that we are going to start shooting our kids with dart guns and drug them with heroin and PCP just because their parents are cowards and can’t take care of their kids,” explains, VP of Children’s Aid Society, a private charitable organization providing foster care, medical and mental health services, and a wide range of educational, recreational and advocacy services to over 70,000 kids per year.

Despite the important controversy surrounding the medical device’s release, the first copies are said to hit the shelves, available to the public as of this year.