What do your favorite books and characters say about you? About your age?
Check back daily for new quizzes, jokes and fun!
Man Get’s Selected To Be A Judge At A Chili Cook-Off. This Is Hilarious.
Do you have the temperament for spicy food? For some people, it just comes naturally to eat food that’s hotter than hot. For others, it’s like being asked to ingest poison. Here’s a word of warning: if you don’t particularly have a tolerance for spicy stuff, you shouldn’t sign up to judge spicy food contests. We think you will agree this man was in over his head when he agreed to sign up for this chili cook-off.
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico.
“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.”
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQflavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 — No report.
The Music Starts And She Catches Everyone Off Guard. Serious Respect!
If you’re an average adult, chances are you remember the anxiety-inducing horror that is the End of the Year Dance Recital.
But some kids just come alive on stage, and Johanna is one of them.
Her mother, Elissa Colón, posted a video of the show stopper totally annihilating Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” on her personal Facebook page on Sunday, and it already has over 9 million views.
With the amount of sass and soul she puts into her performance, it’s not hard to see why!
https://youtu.be/qJQPOkOhnFA
19 Reasons Why Dating An Introvert Is Totally Amazing!
1. Introverts are very in tune with their emotions.
2. We’re also terrific listeners.
3.We won’t smother you because we enjoy spending time by ourselves.
4. We are very introspective and spend a lot of time thinking…
5. We don’t need tons of attention.
6. This means, we’re less likely to find ourselves in compromising situations like being tempted to cheat…
7. We’re also less likely to embarrass you in public.
8. We’re mysterious and will always keep you intrigued.
9. Introverts have a unique perspective on the world.
10. We know how to reflect on our mistakes.
11. Introverts are creative, intelligent and know how to have a good conversation!
12. We’re low maintenance and don’t like to make lots of drama.
13. However, just because we’re quiet doesn’t mean we don’t know how to let loose.
14. We’re full of sound and honest advice.
15. Introverts will never steal the spotlight from you.
16. Once we let people into our world, we form intimate connections with them.
17. Introverts are incredibly loyal people.
18. Sure, we may behave quite differently than our extroverted counterparts…
19. But having a relationship with us is a truly unforgettable experience!
Girl Applies Makeup To Half Her Face. When She Finishes, I Couldn’t Believe My Eyes!
If you don’t know how powerful makeup really is, you definitely will after watching this video. From the YouTube channel NikkieTutorials comes a drastic look at the effects of makeup and its ability to transform the face.
Inspired by comments and people being shocked that bare-faced Nikkie could also be YouTube Nikkie, she decided to do a video applying full makeup to only half her face. The result is fascinating, to say the least.
Nikkie introduces her video by explaining a phenomenon she’s noticed when it comes to girls wearing makeup. She describes how women are being made to feel guilty for wearing and loving makeup.
There’s no doubt that makeup enhances the features and can be used for the most subtle and drastic of transformations. Shaming women for wearing a lot of makeup is something that is becoming increasingly pervasive in society. My take on the matter is that if wearing makeup helps one feel more confident and have better self-esteem, then who are we to stop them?
I absolutely love makeup. I don’t always wear it everyday, but when I do, it’s fun to see the change.
Watching Nikkie transform half of her face was fascinating. The “before” and “after” is, indeed, very drastic, which just goes to show how powerful makeup really is.
Share your thoughts on the power of makeup in the comments section. We love hearing from you!
How Old Will You Be When You Die?
Find out the exact age of your death (it’s scientific…wink)! You can come back and haunt us if we’re wrong.
Check back daily for new quizzes, jokes and fun!
She Invites Her Sister To The Ultrasound. But They Both Get The Surprise Of Their Life!
It was the much anticipated day for the ultrasound, so naturally the Mommy-to-be invited her supportive sister to join her.
As Auntie was examining the ultrasound with her sister, there was a huge surprise waiting for her.
Already loving her new niece or nephew, as she looked closer, she realized there was another little somebody to love – twins! She couldn’t believe it and wanted to care for one of them for her own. What a wonderful aunt she is going to be!
https://youtu.be/rNaYe4OzALM
The Aunty goes on to say: “I truly was as shocked as I appeared in the video! I was always the one in the family who had wanted twins. I talked about it constantly. But it doesn’t run in our family, so it was a total pipe dream.”
Her Son Got Loud, The Waitress Gave Mom A Note. You WILL Want To See How Special This Is!
Ashley and Jason England have an eight year old son named Riley, who is special needs. At just 18 months, Riley began having seizures which intensified over time and resulted in affecting his speech and mobility.
They were out at a restaurant having dinner when Riley became irritated because he was hungry and the Netflix app on his mothers phone was not working.
Since Riley was being loud, the customers in the restaurant kept turning around and looking in their direction. Ashley didn’t want to cause a scene in the restaurant so she decided that it would be a better idea to take Riley to the car and bring dinner home with them. However, her husband told her to wait a few more minutes. Within a few minutes, the food arrived and one of the waitresses approached the England family with tears in her eyes. She handed Ashley a note and she explained that their meal had been paid for by someone in the restaurant. When Ashley looked down at the note, she burst into tears. Written on the check was a note stating “God only gives special children to special people”.
Often times, the England family states that strangers will approach them and tell them that their son is too old to be acting up and that he should be disciplined, not knowing that Riley can’t help his outbursts. Riley has had three brain surgeries and although his seizures have since stopped, they have hindered his behavior and actions.
In response to the stranger and his kind gesture, Riley held a sign from the family that stated “Thank you for seeing the good in me and showing me love!”
His mom states that although he may not understand what this person did for him, the act shows that he is loved and that’s what makes the difference. The anonymous stranger remains unknown but the kind gesture from this individual is a moment that the England family will never forget.
When She Opens Her Eyes This Woman Will See The Man She Walked Away From 30 Years Ago
Imagine giving someone you love an embrace, and then walking away…never to see them until 30 years later — by surprise.
Such is the love story for artists Marina Abramovic and Uwe Laysiepen aka Ulay, who met in the middle of the Great Wall of China 30 years ago, only to say goodbye.
Now, imagine closing your eyes and opening to find the person you said goodbye to sitting directly across from you.
Abramovic, who refers to herself as the “grandmother of performance art,” tells about the moment she saw Ulay sitting across from her:
“I absolutely didn’t expect he’d come to sit. The moment he sat – and everyone got very sentimental about it, because they were projecting their own relationships on to us – but it was so incredibly difficult. It was the only time I broke the rules.”
And although they don’t exchange words, their eyes say everything.
https://youtu.be/CAID_2iKO5Y
These Regular Dads Walk Out Of The Garage, But Then The Music Drops, And Boom!
What do you get when you combine fathers with attitude, a killer hip hop beat, and well thought out lyrics about the things that dads do daily? This awesome and hilarious song called “Dad Life” that has become an anthem for cool father’s everywhere. Do your father a favor and show him this video, it may just make his day, and possibly even make him a little cooler.
The men who produced the jam took all of the notoriously uncool aspects associated with being a dad and owned them. Their clever and witty lyrics touch upon everything from clothing styles and hanging with the kids to landscaping and grilling.
The song was done in a Weird Al-type-style of parody that draws inspiration from common hip hop tunes. The men pose with stern, unsmiling, hard looks on their faces and throw up dad signs instead of gang signs.
Instead of rolling around on the hottest custom wheels they whip minivans and ride lawnmowers. And forget about wearing designer clothes like Versace and Gucci, these men prefer the dad classic wardrobe of Dockers creased pants, St. John’s Bay polos, and gas station sunglasses.
When they rap about money and their “dozens of dollars” it is in reference to how it all goes to their families. The only thing they shoot is “vids of the kids” and when they say “clip for my piece” it is in reference to a cell phone belt holder. They also name drop Disney characters and refer to their children as an entourage.
How To Make A Full Size Cake In 10 Minutes, WITHOUT AN OVEN!
Running around doing last minute errands for your kids party when, oh dang, you forgot the cake!!
Don’t worry, because thanks to Youtube’s One Pot Chef, you can whip up a full-sized cake in just under 10 minutes. You don’t even have to wait for the oven to preheat because you can make this baby in the microwave!
With a few of your typical baking ingredients (sugar, flour, milk, eggs, etc), simply mix up his concoction, poor it in a microwavable safe dish and nuke that sucker for 10 minutes.
He even includes a recipe for a delicious dark chocolate ganache to drizzle on top…but if you’re making this for kids, maybe stick to the store bought frosting 😉
I can’t wait to try this recipe next time I’m stuck in a dessert jam!
25 Things That Having Kids Taught Me
Let me tell you… when you have kids, you find out so many interesting things, such as…
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old kid can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR’s do not eject “PB&J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of men who read this and try the brake fluid and clorox mix…..(but, boys, it’s toxic, so wear a mask)