Have you ever thought to yourself, “my life is a complete clusterf*ck?” Well no worries, because you still manage to make it look like you’ve got your sh*t together:
1. You’ve been called a hot mess on more than one occasion.
2. When you show up somewhere and someone asks why you’re out of breath, sweating profusely, or looking like a complete train wreck…
3. You just give a composed smile and say, I’m livin’ the dream, baby.
4. You show up to work on time, but it’s only because you’ve mastered the Mexican shower, applied your mascara at a redlight, and gave up eating breakfast months ago.
5. Your room is either at 0 or 100 in terms of cleanliness.
6. You’ve got dirty laundry on the floor, clean laundry in the hamper, a bag that still hasn’t been unpacked from 3 weeks ago, and sh*t dangling from every potential “hanger” in your room.
7. Either that, or it’s spick and span because you cleaned it last night. You’ll give it 24-hours to bounce back.
8. You never eat dinner on a night you’re going out drinking: half the calories and way less sh*t to absorb all the alcohol.
9. Yeah, you’re a problem solver like that.
10. Your hair looks clean, but that’s just because you you’ve mastered the art of using dry shampoo or baby powder.
11. You’re super proud of yourself for packing the night before leaving on a trip instead of the morning of.
12. But when you do it drunk, and you forget to pack any chargers (or pants) you’re just kinda like…
13. Well, I guess I didn’t really wanna wear pants or use my phone at all this week anyways.
14. You know how to be responsible and stay in for the night when you have to be up super early the next day.
15. But when you stay up until 3 or 4am, it’s kinda like, well, you might as well have gone out.
16. You create an incredible workout schedule and diet plan for the whole next month, but then you realize that cookies are carbs and it’s wrong to cut those out of the food pyramid.
17. You make it to your work event on time and you look fabulous.
18. Little does anyone know, you’re buzzed from happy hour drinks, you have a bleeding blister that you’ve bandaged up with toilet paper, and your phone is at 3%.
19. In fact, your phone is on 3% almost every single day.
20. NBD. You have a phone charger in your bag.
Bonus Reason #1. Well, you have the cord to your charger in your bag. The location of the “butt” of the charger is to be determined.
Bonus Reason #2. You are 100% FUBAR (F*cked Up Beyond All Repair). But you know what?
Bonus Reason #3. You own it like a rock star, because you donated all of your f*cks to the hipsters at Goodwill.