At what age will you find your one true love? If the age you got is younger than you are, maybe you already found them!
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This Nasty Woman Insulted Him On His First Day At His New Job. He Has The Best Comeback Ever.
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, mean looking woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
I said pleasantly “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”
Of course, her children were at least two years apart, and while they share common features, they certainly didn’t look like each other.
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other ones 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins… are you blind, or stupid?”
So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am. I just can’t believe someone f**ked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”
My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.
Oreo Lasagna
This is simple to make, It Is Like Heaven On Earth!
Serves 16
Prep Time – 10 min
Total Time – 4 hr
Ingredients for Oreo Lasagna
- 1 package oreo cookies
- 4 tbsp. butter, melted
- 8 oz reduced fat cream cheese, softened
- 1/4 cup sugar
- 2 tbsp. skim milk
- 12 oz fat free cool whip
- 6 Snack Pack Fat Free Chocolate Pudding cups (or make 1 package of chocolate pudding)
Directions for Oreo Lasagna
- Spray a 9×13 casserole dish with nonstick spray
- In a food processor, or in a zip closed bag, crush the Oreo Cookies (I used the bag version and it was super easy without all the clean up of the food processor)
- Set aside 1 cup of crushed Oreos for topping
- Combine remaining crushed Oreo’s with melted butter
- Press buttered Oreo’s into the bottom of the prepared dish
- In a small bowl whip the softened cream cheese using a handheld mixer until light and fluffy
- Mix in sugar, milk and 1 1/4 cups of cool whip until well combined
- Spread cream cheese layer over the Oreo crust until smooth and even
- Layer chocolate pudding in an even layer over the cream cheese
- Spoon remaining cool whip over pudding and gently smooth
- Sprinkle on mini chocolate chips
- Place in refrigerator to chill for at least 4 hours but overnight is best
Serve and ENJOY!!
This Man Was Given A Moral Dilemma At His Job Interview. His Answer Is Genius.
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop,and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.
The candidate who was hired! Out of 200 applicants, he had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this; I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
He simply answered: “I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.”
Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”
Husband Was Rude To His Wife Whenever She Asked For Something. This Is The Result.
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.” To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
“Fine,” she says, “Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door?They’re about to break.”
“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!”
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.”Honey, how’d this all get fixed?”
She said, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake.”
He said, “So, what kind of cake did you bake him?”
She replied, “Helloooo… Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”
Which Crime Would You Most Likely Commit?
Are you a thief? A murderer? Vandal? Let’s find out!
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Which “Walking Dead” Survivor Are You?
Want to know how you’d fare in the zombie apocalypse? Answer our questions and find out!
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Stay-At-Home Mom Never Expected To Be Treated Like This. But Her Reply Is Pure Genius.
A woman, renewing her driver’s license at the County Clerk ‘s office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
“What I mean is,” explained the recorder, “do you have a job or are you just a… ?”
“Of course I have a job,” snapped the woman. “I’m a Mom.”
“We don’t list ‘Mom’ as an occupation, ‘housewife’ covers it,” said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, “Official Interrogator” or “Town Registrar.”
“What is your occupation?” she probed.
What made me say it?
I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
“I’m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.”
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
“Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest, “just what you do in your field?”
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply,”I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn’t) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I’m working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.”
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk’s voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants — ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than “just another Mom.”
Motherhood – What a glorious career! Especially when there’s a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers “Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations” and great-grandmothers “Executive Senior Research Associates”?
I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts “Associate Research Assistants”.
Officer Decides Not To Arrest Thief And Instead Changes Her Life
The woman on the left is a mother from Miami who was so desperate to feed her hungry family that she was trying to steal a lot of food.
The woman on the right is Miami-Dade county police officer Vicki Thomas.
Officer Thomas was about to arrest Jessica Robles but changed her mind at the last minute. Instead of arresting her, she bought Robles $100 worth of groceries: “I made the decision to buy her some groceries because arresting her wasn’t going to solve the problem with her children being hungry.”
And there’s no denying that they were hungry. Robles’ 12 year old daughter started crying when she told local TV Station WSVN about how dire their situation was: “It’s not fun to see my brother in the dirt hungry, asking for food, and we have to tell him, “There is nothing here.” Officer Thomas says she has no question that what she did was right: “To see them go through the bags when we brought them in, it was like Christmas. That $100 to me was worth it.”
But Officer Thomas did have one request: “The only thing I asked of her is, when she gets on her feet, that she help someone else out. And she said she would.”
And guess what? The story gets even better.
After word got out about what happened people donated another $700 for Jessica Robles to spend at the grocery store. And then best of all a local business owner invited her in for an interview and ended up hiring her on the spot as a customer service rep. She started crying and she told him: “There are no words for how grateful I am that you took your time and helped somebody out. Especially somebody like me.”
And to think it all started with one veteran police officer trusting her “instinct” instead of going “by the book”.
This Woman Walked In On Her Daughter-In-Law. But Never Expected This.
A woman stops by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocks on the door then immediately walks in.
She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music is playing, candles are lit, and the aroma of perfume fills the room.
“What are you doing?!” she asks.
“I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in- law explains.
“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaims.
“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law anwers.
“Love dress? But you’re naked!”
“Jeff loves me and wants me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and can’t get enough of me!”
The mother-in-law leaves, inspired by what she has learned.
When the mother-in-law gets home, she undresses, showers, puts on her best perfume, dims the lights, puts on a romantic CD, and lays on the couch, expectantly awaiting her husband. Finally, her husband comes home. He walks in and sees her lying there provocatively.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“This is my love dress,” she whispers sensually.
“Needs ironing,” he says. “What’s for dinner?
He never heard the gunshot.
Can We Guess Your Age Based On Your Style?
Can we guess your age based on your style? Find out with the most scientifically accurate quiz you will ever take (wink)!
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Which ABBA Song Is About You?
Are you a winner who takes it all or maybe a super trouper?! Find out which Abba song is all about you…
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