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Man Gives Best Birthday Present To Cheating Wife. This Is Serious Karma!

Kera Osborne
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Man Gives Best Birthday Present To Cheating Wife. This Is Serious Karma!

So I had a feeling she was cheating as she set off a lot of red flags. Constantly laughing and smiling when texting, saying it was just her mother when I asked. Needing to stay late every night after work. When I’d call in her co-workers said she left hours ago. When I asked her what was going on she’d laugh it off and say it was just something they did to each other at the office all the time.

The last straw to where I knew something was definitely up was when she went out “to get milk” at 11:30 at night and didn’t come back till 2 in the morning. Now if there is any words of wisdom I can pass on to others in all my years of experience, it’s if you think your significant other is cheating, hire a private investigator. They’re good at what they do and they will get some evidence that really helps in the later divorce.

Fast track to her birthday, several months down the road. Now I know what you’re thinking, why the hell did I wait months before I confronted her and did it really need to be on her birthday? The answer to the first question is I wanted as much evidence as possible to hand off to my lawyer as well as make arrangements to find a new place to live, etc. Answer to your second question is of course it had to be on her birthday. You see after asking her what she wanted to do on her birthday this year she was rather insisted on me going out of town with my friends as she just had to work anyways and didn’t want to be reminded she was aging.

So I know something is up and after finding a bottle of champagne and two glasses hidden in my closest something in me snaps. So I do what any sensible man would have done. I leave and go to my friends house pretending like I am going out of town. While there I call up her mother, father, sister and several of her friends. I tell them how I want to give her a big surprise by sneaking into her room with party streamers, kazoos and a big cake with candles. Sounds fun right?! Well boy was it.

Its 8:30 in the morning and I have everyone meet just outside our apartment. We all pile in the elevator (about 8 of us in total), her mother holding the cake and me reminding everyone to be as quiet as they can be. I put my key in and unlock the door, we all sneak in and make our way down the hall towards the bedroom. Each holding a kazoo and her Mom holding the cake grinning from ear to ear.

Well as I throw open the door, we all yell surprise!

But the surprise was on us and there was my wife, butt naked with her lover staring at us wide eyed. Mom drops the cake, sister screams, father begins to shout. I pretend like I’m horrified to which her friends try to push everyone out while yelling at her. Wife, excuse me, ex-wife is sobbing and screaming how could I while the lover is desperately trying to put his pants on while running out of the place. Needless to say, it was one of the best birthday presents I have ever given.

Dad Takes 5 kids Grocery Shopping And Leaves Everyone Laughing At His Adventure

Kera Osborne
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Dad Takes 5 kids Grocery Shopping And Leaves Everyone Laughing At His Adventure

When you have five kids (including triplets) you have to meet the challenge head on, this guy is leading the way! This video (which, of course, was created and directed by Mommy) shows how one awesome dad proudly excels in his role. The kids are having a blast along with him in this music video parody and I am sure it will always be a treasured family memory.

Their silly video sure created some fun family memories for them. I don’t know who’s cuter, the dad or the kids!? Triplets are awesome! Finally snuck a girl in there…great family!

Cop Asked This Man Why He Had No Last Name. His Reply Is Legendary.

Kera Osborne
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Cop Asked This Man Why He Had No Last Name. His Reply Is Legendary.

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

‘Fred,’ he replies.

‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.

‘Just Fred,’ the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’

The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.’

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Husband Is Stunned When He Gets This Email From His Wife. This Is Gold.

Kera Osborne
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Husband Is Stunned When He Gets This Email From His Wife. This Is Gold.

To my darling husband,

I just wanted to let you know before you return from your overseas trip I had a small accident with the truck in the garage when I was coming back from Target. Luckily not to bad and I really didn’t get hurt at all, so don’t worry I am ok. Your motorcycle is ok too, so please don’t worry too much.

As I said I was coming home from buying groceries from Target, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

Please Don’t be mad. I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will in your heart find room to forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you. I am attaching a picture for you

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

letter-from-wife

P.S. Your Girlfriend called you.

Guy Offers To Do Anything This Woman Wants For $20. Her Reply Is Perfect.

Kera Osborne
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Guy Offers To Do Anything This Woman Wants For $20. Her Reply Is Perfect.

A woman named Stephanie was sitting at a local bar enjoying a nice after work cocktail with her friends when Ken, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered and sat down across the bar. He was so good looking that Stephanie could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful dreamboat noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward Stephanie. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00… On one condition…”

Astonished but intrigued, Stephanie asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

Stephanie considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked very deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly said…

“Clean my house.”

Husband Got So Annoyed With Snow That He Wrote This Diary. Unbelievably Hilarious!

Kera Osborne
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Husband Got So Annoyed With Snow That He Wrote This Diary. Unbelievably Hilarious!

December 8: 6:00 PM.

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. I bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt ’til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2″ of snow today, and it warmed up to “0”. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24
6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his b*lls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry H=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The B*TCH is driving me crazy!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Wife Sends Shocking Note Complaining About Husband. The Reply Is Priceless!

Kera Osborne
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Wife Sends Shocking Note Complaining About Husband. The Reply Is Priceless!

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as : NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Daddy’s Little Girl Got This Letter On Relationships From Her Dad. This Is Priceless.

Kera Osborne
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Daddy’s Little Girl Got This Letter On Relationships From Her Dad. This Is Priceless.

Dear Cutie- Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:
I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common: You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,
Daddy

Grandma Always Wore An Apron But You’ll Be Amazed When You Know Her True Reason

Kera Osborne
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Grandma Always Wore An Apron But You’ll Be Amazed When You Know Her True Reason
Grandma explains the history of aprons
Grandma explains the history of aprons

I don’t think our kids know what an apron is. The principle use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath because she only had a few. It was also because it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and aprons used less material. But along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids..

And when the weather was cold, Grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men folk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that served so many purposes.

Send this to those who would know (and love) the story about Grandma’s aprons.

REMEMBER: Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron.

I don’t think I ever caught anything from an apron – but love…

A Young Man Moves Into His First Apartment And Meets His Beautiful Neighbor. Then This Happens.

Kera Osborne
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A Young Man Moves Into His First Apartment And Meets His Beautiful Neighbor. Then This Happens.

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.”

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears!”

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at this body, it’s beautiful and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin -no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?”

Clearing his throat, he stammered…

“Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.”

omg-reaction

A Grandmother Calls The Hospital In A State of Worry. You’ll Be Surprised When You Hear Why.

Kera Osborne
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A Grandmother Calls The Hospital In A State of Worry. You’ll Be Surprised When You Hear Why.

grandma-phones-hospital

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital.

She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal, and her physician, Dr. Cores has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”

The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me sh*t.“

This Little Boy Wanted To Be Dressed Like A Princess, So Here’s What His Dad Did

Kera Osborne
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This Little Boy Wanted To Be Dressed Like A Princess, So Here’s What His Dad Did

This is my son, Chester, who is nearly 4. He was invited to his friend Chloe’s birthday party today, the theme was prince and princesses. He asked if he could go as Sleeping Beauty, so I bought him a dress and put a clip in his hair.

cute-little-boy-dressed-princess

We arrived at the party to the following comments from the adults present:

“Oh that is just cruel.”

“Why did you make him wear a dress?”

“Poor little man, what’s your mummy playing at?”

“He’s going to hate you when he grows up.”

“No way I’d let my son dress like a girl.”

The fact is, Chester is completely gender neutral. I let him wear what he wants, be it boys or girls clothes, and he plays with whatever toys he likes.

When my husband arrived at the party later on, the other dads present made fun of him. My husband pointed out that the boy was happy.

Interestingly enough, not one kid said anything negative toward him about it, other than to compliment Chester on his cool costume.

What does it say about society when a group of adults could stand to take a lesson in humanity from a class of preschoolers?

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