My Rules To Not Act Old



I’m sure ya’ll remember those “Yo Mama Is So Fat” jokes. Well I’m flippin’ that phrase to my own with my rules on gettin’ old. I’m calling it “Yo Mama Is So Phat” and no, that’s not a misspelling. If ya’ll don’t know what Phat means, it’s OK. Phat is one of those slang terms, like cool or awesome. It’s the opposite of acting old or lame.

We all know there are tons of things us “old folks” can do to try and stay younger such as exercisin’, eatin’ right or dressin’ in style. But you’ll give away your age the second someone mentions SnapChat or wants you to check out a tweet. How do you leap over the generation gap and still sound like you have a clue? Simple, follow some of my rules…such as…

Yo Mama Is So Phat Rule #1: Never Wake Up Before The Azz Crack Of Dawn

Do you remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s parent’s wake up at the azz crack of dawn? Jerry goes to Florida to visit and is awakened in the dark to find his parents in the kitchen makin’ coffee and squeezin’ OJ. “We thought we’d let you sleep in,” they say. To which Jerry responds, “It’s 5:30 in the morning!!”

I shamelessly admit I was up at 5:30 this morning. And that’s after going to bed at almost ten last night. Even when I stay up really, really late (like until eleven), I still wake up at 5:30.

Whose to blame for my “Early To Rise” misfortune? My kids of course. All those years of gettin’ up for nursin’, mornin’ cartoons or gettin’ em ready for school. Even though they are older now, they laugh at me for still wakin’ up so freakin’ early, I can’t stop. Hey, but at least I’m smart enough to know – – it’s an old person thing.

Unless you want to act so old like you could have an autographed copy of the Bible, then I say: never wake up before the azz crack of dawn.

Got somethin’ to say about it…post in the comments below.